#1 - I Hate Small Talk

It’s not that I dislike people. Far from it. I just don’t know how to pretend a conversation matters when it doesn’t. The kind about traffic. Weather. Some match I didn’t watch. I can follow along. But it feels like I’m letting something slide when I do.

What I want is something real. A moment that doesn’t skim. Something that makes both of us pause.

Years ago, when the kids were still small, I went to a barbecue. One of those Saturday setups. Paper plates. Beers in the esky. Kids weaving around legs. Within minutes, the men circled the grill and fell into their lines. Footy scores. Betting odds. The usual rhythm. Nothing wrong with it. But nothing there either.

After a while I drifted. Ended up chatting with the women. At first, it was the same surface stuff. School pickups. Teething. Who’s back at work. Then something shifted. One mentioned her father’s health. Another said she wasn’t sure how long she could keep doing both job and home. The tone changed. There it was. Honesty.

It wasn’t about gender. It was about who’s willing to go past the script.

I’ve tried bringing that into the men’s circle too. It rarely sticks. Maybe it’s habit. Maybe it’s fear of saying the thing that lands too hard. But when someone does go there, just once, something opens.

That’s why I avoid small talk. Not because it’s wrong. Because it wastes a chance. We don’t get many of those. Not every moment needs to be profound, but I’d take one honest sentence over a dozen polite ones that float off and vanish.

My father used to say, “If there’s a God watching, we may as well give him a laugh.” It was his way of saying don’t hold back. I never saw him pretend to be someone else. That’s stayed with me.

So no. I’m not here to talk about the weather.

I want to know what’s heavy for you right now.

What you’ve carried without telling anyone.

What still gives you hope when the lights go out.

That’s what stays. Not because it’s deep. Because it’s true.

If this piece has brought up difficult emotions for you, please know that support is available. You can call Lifeline at 13 11 14 for 24/7 confidential crisis support.